Invisible

Do you ever feel invisible? Like no one sees you and no one cares?

It's been a rough week for me. I finally got a job interview. Finally. I was so excited. I had a great interview with the fine arts director...but the interview with the principal just didn't go my way. Naturally, I haven't heard anything back from the ISD and I doubt I will since they were "wanting to fill the position ASAP" and I "should hear something back within the next few days". That was Monday. Today is Friday. Not a word. I guess I didn't get the job. A nice follow up would have been appreciated so that all week I wouldn't be sitting here, losing sleep, and my stomach wouldn't be in knots 24 hours a day.

On top of that, with each passing month here at work, I feel more and more invisible and unappreciated. My job is not brain surgery-I get that. I understand that I'm the lowest man on the totem pole. I get that, too. But when I say "Good morning" to you and you don't respond-how do you think that makes me feel? Or when you just walk into the office in the morning and I wait for you to say "Good morning" to me, but then you don't and you walk right past me? How do you think that makes me feel? Or when the entire support staff goes to lunch (which, by the way, I'm part of the "support staff") and I'm not even invited? How is that supposed to make me feel? No, I don't want you to bring me back something. No, I don't want your eyes giving me the "I'm sorry we didn't invite you" look. No, I don't want you to talk to me and ask me if I'm ok. Because if you do-I'm probably going to break down into tears and say, "No. I'm not Ok. I sit here at this desk all freakin' day. I can't get up and walk around. I can't go to the bathroom without calling someone to cover me. No one invites me to lunch. No one even THINKS to invite me to lunch. You don't ever care to include me. No one even bothers to tell me when people of importance are coming to the building or that our managing director is out traveling for days at a time. No one EVER thinks about me and how that might make me feel! No one says, 'gosh, Mariah, your job really sucks. Maybe today I'll leave at 5:30 and you can leave at 5:00-just to give you a break from always being the last to leave'". I'm so sick of it.

On top of that feeling, it makes it extremely difficult for me to be motivated to do my work. So here I sit, unmotivated, frustrated, ready to walk out and never step foot in here again. If there was a way for us to survive on just one income, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But since that's not possible, I guess I just have to suck it up and deal with it and hope that I get a phone call from a school district for an interview...and then hopefully another phone call for a job offer. I just don't know how much more of this I can take without having a complete breakdown.